


Upside Down and Sideways

by Kita_the_Spaz



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-27
Updated: 2013-02-27
Packaged: 2017-12-03 20:11:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/702148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kita_the_Spaz/pseuds/Kita_the_Spaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Iruka and Kakashi encounter an enemy jutsu that winds up putting them in the wrong bodies, things really can't get much worse... can they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Upside Down and Sideways

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kiterie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiterie/gifts).



> This was written for the lovely Kiterie on her birthday. So everyone go love on her for me, okay?
> 
> Beta provided by Micah_n10.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” The look on Tsunade’s face had Iruka thinking of all sorts of inventive new ways to adulterate Konoha’s sake supply. She’d never drink again. He was contemplating the uses of Anko’s supply of snake toxins when Tsunade stopped gaping and started chortling gleefully.

“Mah, I don’t think you’re appreciating the true gravity of this situation.” Kakashi complained.

Iruka glanced to the side and quickly averted his eyes. It was positively unnerving seeing himself slouched there in Kakashi’s normal indolent pose. He’d have thought making hundreds of clones over the years would have inured him to that, but there was something about seeing Kakashi’s lazy pose and the Icha Icha book dangling from his own hand that made Iruka feel rather green.

Scowling at Tsunade’s laughter, Iruka tugged the mask off of his nose to scratch at a scar that wasn’t there. The gleam of Kakashi’s armored glove in the edges of his vision made him scowl and he put his hands behind his back.

Tsunade stopped laughing at last and scrubbed tears of laughter from the corners of her merrily glittering eyes.”Oh, I am well aware of the gravity of your predicament,” Tsunade snorted and folded her hands on her desk, regarding them both with a tiny smirk curving her lips. “But the amusement factor cannot be denied.”

Iruka managed a strangled sound, gloved hands clenching into fists at his sides. _“Hokage-sama...”_ he gritted.

Tsunade snorted again, an explosion of noise that sounded suspiciously like _‘killjoy.’_ She leaned back in her chair and folded her hands across her stomach. “We’ve finished analyzing the scroll that did this to you. It’s a relatively unknown infiltration jutsu, designed to insert an agent into a situation where a stranger would be excluded. It’s fairly complicated, inserting only the personality into their target’s body and even into their unique chakra pattern. My technicians could undoubtedly explain it better than I, but the gist of it is that for the moment, you are squatters in each other’s bodies and chakra.” She raked her bangs back with long manicured nails. “We’re still trying to come up with a counter, but it seems that there is a definite time limit to the jutsu. If it is not renewed, it should wear off in three days time.”

“Wait, you mean I have to be stuck like this for three days?” Iruka scowled at Tsunade.

“Not exactly a picnic on this end either, sensei.” Kakashi interjected, poking his thigh with a stiffly-held finger, looking entirely too much like a child poking something disgusting with a stick. The expression he had twisted Iruka’s features into only furthered that image.

“If I wouldn’t only end up hurting my own body in the process, I’d kick your ass from here to Suna.” Iruka hissed, seething. He slapped Kakashi’s fingers away from his thigh. “This is entirely your fault, you hard-headed, ham-handed, piss-poor excuse for a shinobi. Even Naruto would have recognized that trap-spell.”

“I didn’t see you leaping to stop me, sensei!” Kakashi snarked back, red flaming across scarred cheeks.

Iruka growled. “Had I thought you would do something so colossally stupid in the first place, I would have! All that porn has you thinking with your little head instead of using that supposedly genius brain of yours!”

Tsunade clapped her hands sharply, the sound far too loud in the space of her office. “While this is all terribly amusing, I’d be much obliged if you two didn’t kill each other in my office. Blood is hell to get out of the carpets.”

With a frustrated snarl, Iruka turned his attention back to Tsunade. “For the sake of my sanity,” he pled. “ _Fix this!_ ”

Tsunade fixed him with a look that froze him in place. “I intend to, Iruka-sensei. As soon as we can figure a way to undo it without causing the two of you irreparable damage, be assured that we will. Until then, or until the jutsu reaches its predetermined default limit, I will trust you two to act like proper shinobi of the Hidden Leaf, not a pair of pre-genin children.” Her tone turned scathing. “I understand this has undoubtedly been stressful, _but_ degenerating into verbal hair-pulling...?” She huffed and waved a languid hand.

An ANBU appeared at her shoulder almost as if he had been conjured.

“Take these two somewhere to work off some of that aggression, but mind you, keep them from getting too damaged.” Tsunade turned her gaze back to Iruka and Kakashi. “You’ll be staying here in the tower until I get this fixed, so I expect you two to behave like the shinobi I know you are. Otherwise, I’ll let you test Ibiki’s hospitality.” She stood so abruptly Iruka flinched back, and noticed Kakashi doing the same. “Am I understood?”

“Yes, Hokage-sama.” Iruka bowed.

Beside him Kakashi just nodded.

They fell in line behind the ANBU, who led them to a private training dojo with polished wood floors and sparring mats. He left them there without a word, but Iruka knew he hadn’t gone far, not with Tsunade’s warning.

Iruka glared at Kakashi briefly before moving into a series of katas. He needed to release some of his tension before he really did kill the idiot. It didn’t work because his body did not move the way he expected it to, feeling disturbingly like an ill-fitting set of armor.

Iruka turned and stared at his reflection in one of the floor-length mirrors. Kakashi’s body stared back at him, mask askew and anger burning in his one uncovered eye. Iruka knew better than to bare the other one. He could feel it drawing on his chakra even closed and hidden away. Taking a deep breath, Iruka pictured the few times he’d watched Kakashi practice and allowed that memory to guide him. Surprisingly, his body reacted, flowing smoothly from one position to the next. He relaxed into the familiar motions, letting his mind drift into a sort of detached quiet.

“Not bad, Sensei.” Until Kakashi’s voice jolted him out of the meditative state.

Iruka missed a step and came down flat-footed, whirling to face Kakashi. “Please be quiet while I’m trying not to kill you.” 

“Meh, I was offering a compliment. You’ve adapted quickly, while I still feel like I’m wearing a set of padding three sizes too big.”

 _Oh, now that was enough._ Iruka stalked over to where Kakashi lounged against the wall, hands shoved in pockets. “Are you insinuating I’m overweight? That I’m unable to beat the living hell out of you? That I’m not in fit shape for a shinobi?” he fumed.

“Normally, I’d defuse this situation by saying you’re incredibly hot when you’re angry, but as you’re in my body, that’d just be weird.” Kakashi mused. “Kinda disturbing, really.”

Iruka’s roundhouse sent him reeling. “You’re a bastard who still thinks more with his dick than with his brain.”

Kakashi, grinning, came back up with an uppercut that rocked Iruka back on his heels and sent pain splintering along his jaw.

Iruka spun aside before Kakashi could land another blow and swept his leg out to knock Kakashi’s feet from under him.

Kakashi leapt up just a moment too late and stumbled backward.

Iruka followed, grinning viciously and with mayhem on his mind. He bounced up on his toes and executed a perfect snap-kick to Kakashi’s jaw. He’d learned that one from Gai-sensei and it proved just as effective on Kakashi as it had been the first time Gai had used it against him.

Kakashi reeled back and went down to one knee, shaking his head.

Iruka launched himself in a rolling dive, knowing Kakashi wouldn’t be vulnerable for long.

Kakashi’s foot swept through the air where he had been only seconds ago and Iruka barely managed to twist aside as a fist followed in its wake.

He didn’t manage to avoid a third attack and went down hard, his entire cheek aching from the backhanded fist Kakashi had favored him with.

Coming back up on one knee, he threw himself at Kakashi in a low body-block. They both tumbled to the floor, bruised and panting.

Kakashi clawed for a hold, but Iruka twisted and planted a knee square in Kakashi’s solar plexus. Winded, he grabbed a handful of long brown hair and drew Kakashi’s head up, intending to sock the insufferable bastard right in the nose.

How they ended up kissing, he’d never know, but suddenly lips were on his; hot, hungry and unrelenting.

The heat that bubbled up from his gut was unexpected and seemed to set the world off kilter. Then he was looking up into Kakashi’s face, pinned to the floor by the knee he’d planted in what was once again his own solar plexus.

Kakashi grinned over his lowered mask. “Who knew it would take a kiss from a fair princess to break the spell on our hero? True love is truly the most magical force in the world!”

Iruka kneed him in the nuts. “Get the fuck off of me and if you ever call me a princess again, I’ll feed your balls to the Hokage’s messenger hawks.”

Kakashi managed a pained-sounding laugh.

Iruka punched him square in the nose this time.


End file.
